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Kim Announces Social Justice Pricing
President Kim announced today that in cooperation with local businesses throughout the Upper Valley his new Social Justice Pricing Program for Dartmouth students would begin operation by the end of the month. In a letter to the student body he wrote:
While wages for Dartmouth staff members are fair, I was shocked to learn that employees at most local business earn about half the salaries and benefits of College employees. Local employers tell me that they cannot stay in business if they raise the compensation of their workers, but I had a really interesting idea that could solve the problem.
In the same manner that we have ramped up Dartmouth’s tuition to the second highest in the Ivy League, and we have repeatedly increased the cost to students of room and board and other food items by double digit amounts in order to fund our staff’s salaries, I have decided that students should pay an additional 50% price premium to purchase goods and services at all local businesses.
This extra money can fund much higher salaries for employees in these establishments, just as we do at the College. We will call this special extra cost of goods The Dartmouth Social Justice Price, and I know that our students will be proud to pay it as part of their effort to make the world’s troubles their own.
John Chapin, owner of the popular Canoe Club restaurant on Main Street in Hanover, supports the new program. “President Kim asked me personally to get involved here, and as local businesspeople know, you don’t say no to Dartmouth. My employees will certainly be happy with the extra income. I find it fascinating that President Kim thinks that Dartmouth students will accept to pay such a large premium. But I guess that they won’t mind because they have already been paying this kind of supplement for everything else that they buy from the College.”
Dartblog has obtained an excerpt of the Canoe Club’s new menu. Prices in the lefthand column are for the general public, and prices incorporating The Dartmouth Social Justice Price are on the right under the College’s shield.
Note: According to President Kim, The Dartmouth Social Justice Price will not be charged to Dartmouth administrators or staff members.
Addendum: Needless to say, which means that it needs saying, the above story is only satire: it is so weird that it could be true. The quotations from President Kim and Restauranteur John Chapin are entirely fabricated, as is the Canoe Club menu.
August 14, 2013
Breaking: Of Crips and Bloods and Memories of Ghetto Parties
History repeats itself, first as tragedy and then as farce, or sometimes it just repeats itself. From the New York Times on November 30, 1998: At Dartmouth College, white students at a ”ghetto party” dressed…
June 25, 2013
Dean of the College Charlotte Johnson’s War on Students Part (2/2)
Part 1, Part 2 Today’s post again recounts the events that befell the Freshman. However, the content of the Hanover Police department report reproduced in this space yesterday is supplemented by information from my own…
October 18, 2009
When Love Beckoned in 52nd Street
We were at San Francisco’s BIX last evening, enjoying prosecco, cheese, and a bit of music. A full year of inhabitation in Northern California has unraveled to me no decent venue for proper lounging, but…
October 9, 2009
D Afraid of a Little Competish
So our colleague and Dartblog writer Joe Asch informed me that the D has rejected our cunning advertising campaign. Uh-oh. The Dartmouth is widely known as a breeding ground for instant New York Times successes,…
September 4, 2009
How Regents Should Reign
As Dartmouth alumni proceed through the legal hoops necessary to defuse a Board-packing plan—which put in unhappy desuetude an historic 1891 Agreement between alumni and the College guaranteeing a half-democratically-elected Board of Trustees—it strikes one…
August 29, 2009
Election Reform Study Committee
If you are an alum of the College on the Hill, you may have received a number of e-mails of late beseeching your input for a new arm of the College’s Alumni Control Apparatus called…
- The Dartmouth College Case
- 2007 Trustee Election
- Dartmouth Constitution
- Sunday Morning Sinatra
- The Indian Wars
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