Dartblog

When I am stuck in traffic, or even just congestion, I am inclined to blame everyone.

First I blame the driver going too slow in the left lane. The self-absorbed idiocy of these parade starters causes untold strings of cars to be delayed behind them. The root of the problem here seems to be that nobody thinks they belong in the right lane. Evidently many people would rather go 50 in the left lane and be berated by the sound of my car horn than admit to themselves that their car belongs elsewhere.

I can’t decide which is worse, two- or three-lane highways. With only two lanes even miserable drivers generally choose the right lane when there are few cars on the road, but this setup leaves open the possibility of a virtual roadblock when two cars, as if by conscious collusion, travel directly next to each other at the same infuriatingly slow rate of speed. With three lanes, there is virtually never anyone in the right lane, even truckers (who I have on the whole found to be quite good, conscientious drivers) don’t drive there. This lane is generally the province of cars hovering dangerously close to the minimum highway speed which is usually 40 mph. This violation, incidentally, is one which I would love to see be more frequently enforced (perhaps with stricter and higher minimums). Getting stuck behind someone like this is a frightful prospect indeed. Consequently three-lane highways showcase a large swath of poor driver in the center (and left if they dislike driving behind trucks) lane which, even if it is easier to weave around them in driving fact, is a stressful violation of driving principle.

Then, too, I blame the imbecilic drivers immediately behind these slow-pokes because they are not doing enough to remedy the situation. Following passively behind, hoping that the obstructive motorist will hang up his cell phone, put down his sandwich, or turn down Celine Dion on his mixed tape long enough to get out of the way, is not enough. This second driver is also culpable. Presumably his car is equipped with (bright) headlights and a horn, put them to use already.

When all else fails, I blame the government. Had they not subsidized private road-building decades ago or built public highways, perhaps a faster (and perhaps more eco-friendly) mode of transportation all-together would be here.