Dartmouth's Daily Blog
News, commentary, criticism and praise for the College on the Hill, enlivened with history, culture and travel when we feel so moved.
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A Limited-Time Offer from Dartblog
Readers may not be aware that Dartblog is read rather widely by, among other groups, employees of Dartmouth College. From vagabond librarians who quietly agree with this page’s sentiments to the staffs of the institution’s press and communications offices to the presidential compound to, yes, the admissions office, this page has for one reason or another attracted a lot of eyeballs in Hanover.
As we all know, it is back-to-school time. The sky is blue, the dogwoods are unfolding, and fresh sneakers and pencils fill the air with the scent of an unwashed Chinese junk. I am keenly aware of the booming industry of college admission wheel greasers, whose prospects brighten this time of year as high school seniors make their collegiate bids. I suspect that the Kaplans and Princeton Reviews of the world pull in many millions of dollars, and the private counselors who write admissions essays, effect the publishing of fake novels, and conjure various other tricks to secure acceptance earn just as much from their clients. I am certain that there is money for me to make here, particularly given this page’s influential readership. Therefore I present
THE LIMITED-TIME OFFER.
If you are an eager high school student who has totally sloughed off AP Physics and Calculus, and feel that you cannot brook another word from a Toni Morrison book, and if you are concerned about getting into a good school, and if you have never reconstructed a hovel in Croatia, then this offer is for you.
In the wake of recent political events at Dartmouth, I feel that I may be able to guarantee as high as a 95% chance of admission to Dartmouth College. Please understand the tremendous, fleeting value this represents. Besides achieving academic and personal distinction, there are only three ways to secure entry into a prestigious institution such as Dartmouth. Your mother could become a Trustee, but that is a multi-million dollar proposition. You could hire an admissions operative, but even this evidently costs in the tens of thousands and does not offer any sort of a guarantee. Or you can come to Dartblog.
HIGH-SCHOOL SENIORS: If you mail me a check for $500, I will write a post here explaining why you would be a terrible candidate for admission to Dartmouth College. This will immediately set a dozen admissions officers clamoring to stamp your application with green. I will provide a 95% entrance guarantee; I don’t get paid until you get in. Act now, won’t you?
August 14, 2013
Breaking: Of Crips and Bloods and Memories of Ghetto Parties
History repeats itself, first as tragedy and then as farce, or sometimes it just repeats itself. From the New York Times on November 30, 1998: At Dartmouth College, white students at a ”ghetto party” dressed…
June 25, 2013
Dean of the College Charlotte Johnson’s War on Students Part (2/2)
Part 1, Part 2 Today’s post again recounts the events that befell the Freshman. However, the content of the Hanover Police department report reproduced in this space yesterday is supplemented by information from my own…
October 18, 2009
When Love Beckoned in 52nd Street
We were at San Francisco’s BIX last evening, enjoying prosecco, cheese, and a bit of music. A full year of inhabitation in Northern California has unraveled to me no decent venue for proper lounging, but…
October 9, 2009
D Afraid of a Little Competish
So our colleague and Dartblog writer Joe Asch informed me that the D has rejected our cunning advertising campaign. Uh-oh. The Dartmouth is widely known as a breeding ground for instant New York Times successes,…
September 4, 2009
How Regents Should Reign
As Dartmouth alumni proceed through the legal hoops necessary to defuse a Board-packing plan—which put in unhappy desuetude an historic 1891 Agreement between alumni and the College guaranteeing a half-democratically-elected Board of Trustees—it strikes one…
August 29, 2009
Election Reform Study Committee
If you are an alum of the College on the Hill, you may have received a number of e-mails of late beseeching your input for a new arm of the College’s Alumni Control Apparatus called…
- The Dartmouth College Case
- 2007 Trustee Election
- Dartmouth Constitution
- Sunday Morning Sinatra
- The Indian Wars
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