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Pols Target Anxious Single Females

Here is a ridiculous New York Magazine article about how never-married single gals—22% of the population, don’t you know—are going to be the decisive factor in the 2008 presidential election. No one was thinking about them before!

In furtherance of the cause, here are some ideas for future important (and entirely arbitrary) constituencies. Campaign managers should keep them in mind, because they are the key to the White House.

1. Voters who really wish the J. Geils Band had had a few more good songs.

2. Eighteen year old girls whose dads bought them used Jettas but who killed the clutch after a few weeks and can’t afford to get it replaced because Old Navy pays minimum wage.

3. Hamburger eaters.

4. Hispanic thirtysomethings who live with their wives in the attic of a house with two other men, and who have twins and sing a good rendition of “Do-Wah-Diddy.”

5. Voters who never understood the appeal of Grape Nuts and feel a little bit guilty about that.

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