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Sunday, November 06, 2005

The United Nations: Now With Flash and Report

Does anyone know where, exactly, all these UN reports go? By the sheer clip of press releases coming out of the Secretariat it can safely be assumed that hundreds are produced each year. Since they are largely ignored (or at least are the cause of no action) and, I suspect, have achieved enough paper gluttony that entire storerooms are dedicated to their lonely archival, it is fair enough to say that report-generation is one of the United Nations’ only tangible products?

They seem to follow a relatively standard pattern: identify a world problem, via reductionism deliver a publicly assailable guilty party, and then conclude 1) Somebody really ought to be doing something about this, eh? and 2) The United States owes us money.

Here’s a UN report recently pronounced that says the United States owes Iraq money. And the New York Times, God bless ‘em, scarfs it up, quickly wearing to nill its silver spoon and platter. The Times in these matters reminds me of the overkind high school teacher. She’s in a public school, taking the lumps, but she’s got a masters so at least they’ve pigeon-holed her into the “accelerated” classes with the well-behaved kids. But there are always a few who don’t belong in there. There isn’t much to praise when they hand in their book reports. But take a look at that glossy cover and the slim blue piece of plastic that was slid on, making for a nifty spine. So professional. Give him a C!

And so perhaps the UN deserves some credit for effort expended in discovering and announcing that the US owes $208 million to Iraq: the country we (well-nigh exclusively and certainly to the short-sighted displeasure of internationalist elites at the UN) are now defending from very implosion. The country we’re converting to what will in due time be a another functioning, paying, contributory member of the United Natins. A peaceful state. That’s what America’s dying for right now. And the cost we shoulder is lead indeed though it has nothing to do with money.

It is an obligation to 300 million Americans and to 26 million Iraqis that peace will come and that freedom will ring. Every M-16 goes to feed that heaving stomach of a promise, and it grows slowly more satisfied each day. Every new school, every book, every drop of water, corpuscle of blood, skosh of food. The sum of the new legislature, the woof of the constitution both feed it. Electricity begrudgingly flowing and clean water in the pipes feed it. Every slain car bomber—who cannot be called anything but “terrorist” as he kills women, children; bombs hospitals, mosques—is a plump contribution to the common cause. So we’re paying. We’re paying.

But thank you kindly for the sticky note. And excuse our certain ignorance of whatever it is you’re asking. But talk like yours is cheap; money often cheaper. We’ll just be over here finally making resolute your thirty years of lollygag resolutions. And we’ll be using a different currency.

Posted on November 6, 2005 10:00 AM. Permalink